Faux Vintage

Every time I enter a thrift store I bolt for the exit shortly after taking in a whiff of all the hoary well-worn clothing. The odor that fills the air makes my nose hair stand on end. If I manage to block out the stench and sort through the mismash and hodge-podge I typically cannot find anything other than my great-grandmothers apron used solely for protecting her pajammas from stains while eating over a t.v. tray. Once in a blue moon I may happen upon a dress with an offbeat pattern, but when I go to the dressing room I can't even step out clothed enough not to pull a Janet Jackson to show my mom. I would have to surgically remove several ribs, strangle myself into a corset, and add several inches of fabric just to get the miniature size dress to zip up. The ladies that wore these dresses must have forgotten to drink their milk as children becasue I have no idea how even solely their skin and bones could possibly fit into these dinky vintage dresses. Who wore those vintage dresses? Are they dead from malnutrition?

However, I have been able to find vintage style dresses that are more suitable for us big boned women. The dress shown above is snak from Anthropologie. I wish I could upload a link so you could view the dress online, but it is making its way to becoming a vintage itself. My mom actually bought it for herself probably eight years ago and has now handed it down to me. I feel so dainty when I slip it on and I absolutely love wearing it.  It's a total crowd pleaser; even though I will get a couple ignorant testosterone infused male remarks thrown in telling me I resemble their grandmother. Then I just brush my shoulders off and think to myself, "Well you're wearing the exact same jeans and t-shirt that you wore yesterday (oh wait I think it resembles the exact same thing you have donned for your ENTIRE LIFE!)"After that I feel so much better and I proudly strut my grandmother stuff all the way home.

The pastel apricot sweater was purchased years ago from Anthropologie as well, brand called Her Royal Highness. I give credit to my mom for sewing on all those pom poms multiple times. They used to fall off and plummet to the floor faster than autumn leaves. We would stumble upon apricot pom poms in the oddest locations with no logical reasoning behind their whereabouts. Underneath dressers, in the black-hole in the corner of my closet, and even in the backyard with signs of mastication. Several lost pom poms later and a little threading work my mom had my sweater looking like new instead of a lopsided mess.

These shoes are so adorable. The patchwork's darling, the wood heel's fabulous, and the lace's are delightful. I must confess I do not give them enough showtime out in the real world. The toes slightly veer outwards and I feel like a penguin when I walk. Maybe I am the only one detecting this issue like when I wear wooden clogs and feel like I am some kind of hooved Christmas creature prancing along. However, I have learned that not many pay much attention to others, let alone have the time to examine my flaws. So no need to worry if you look pigeon toed, hooved, penguined, lopsided, or are an exact replica of so and so's Great Grandma Dorothy as long as you like the look and can strut your stuff then go for it!
Be ready for tomorrow's blog! I have been waiting for today's event for weeks!!