Hungry for Fryes

Throughout my adolescent years I never experienced any of the Harry Potter Books on either the big screen or in small print . Many of my peers would require immediate dispatch to the ER after hearing these words uttered from my lips from state of paralyzing, flabbergasting, numbing disbelief and shock. Now I must have dosed off in anatomy class because I can't exactly recollect the whereabouts of the flabber in the body (except I feel like mine is slowly gravitating towards the location of where my triceps are supposed to be), but any adolescent's flabber is definitely gasted if they hear that I have not a single inkling of a place called Hogwarts. The only concepts I associate with Harry Potter are circular eyeglasses, children that never seem to age after what seems like eighteen trilogies, and a British lady that is "Rowling" all the way to the bank.
Now I know that your flabber has been gasted and you are feeling slight discomfort, but this next one will feel just like a little pinch. The word pinch is highly underestimated. Anytime a sweet little nurse brings her big whopping needle out she metamorphoses into Mr. Hyde. She quickly gains your trust by telling you how much you have grown since the last time she had the pleasure of seeing you, then tells a whopping lie straight to your face and watches you grimace in torment from the tiny pinch!!!! Then she transforms back into Dr. Jekyll and hands you a sticker and candy like that will make up for pins and needles you'll be on every time you come to the doctors or hear the word pinch.
Ready for your little pinch... I have never seen or read the Twilight series! I don't quite understand the obsession with the man that looks like he may be on some form of sedative, but I guess those razor-sharp canines really get the libido of the teenyboppers going.
Now I have had to give a sufficient number of wide-eyed head nods accompanied by dramatic "mmhmmm"s when discussing the love triangle between the narcotized nocturnal, the Neanderthal, and the knocked up. So I decided that the next movie that drew teenyboppers out past their curfew to stand in the freezing cold on a school night I would see. This led me to the Hunger Games.
The movie was an eleven out of ten. I walked out of the theatre with my head held high, my shoulders back, and empowered. I felt that Katniss Everdeen had shown the future world the strength and beauty that women possess. She was witty, brave, intelligent, strong, and most of all loving. A competition to death was won through love. I could only dream to emulate that in my own life. The closest I may ever come to Katniss and her lethal pinpoint archery skills is her wardrobe. I may never own a radiant red dress that sets ablaze as I twirl like a ballerina, but to look like a badass, that will last more than ten minutes in the Hunger Games, I'll need to invest in a replica outfit. I'm not going for the Latex suit ensemble as I prefer not to squeak as my inner thighs keep each other warm, but I'll go for her village look.

I'm not sure which starving villages can afford leather jackets because the last time I tried to buy one they ranged from costing an arm and a leg to costing the earth. However, according to my brother it is a worthy investment and it will last me my whole life! I don't think the word children ever occurred to him, but golly I hope he is right.

Look even the model can handle a chainsaw in these badboys! That must say something!

Her boots are also a total must! My mother called me the other day and asked my shoe size. Little did I know I had the opportunity to possess ravishing lace-up leather Frye boots that were featured in the film. Unfortunately I told her one half size too big and lost my only hope in finally displaying my inner beast. I guess I will just have to keep my archery skills on the DL. However, I highly suggest all of you purchase a Xerox copy of her outfit so you too can be a heroine just like Katniss Everdeen! Just don't whip out an bow and arrows you don't want to ruin your facade.

Can I purchase him too?